Category: Attitude

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Discipline and Legacy

woman holding neck staring on wall
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As of late, I live at the intersection of legacy and discipline. The older I get, the more I think about getting my affairs in order and the legacy I want to leave behind. Of course, I want to leave money and houses, but I also want to leave something more precious. I want to leave a legacy that will impact this generation and those to come; one of righteous living. 

Those who came before me left indelible marks and undeniable impressions. For me, the natural question is what will my future grandkids say about me? Who will they say I am? Will they know me as kind and compassionate? Or will they only know me from the money and houses I left to them? While I plan to do both, I prefer more of the former. I want to be known for leaving people in a place better than I found them. This leaves me to wonder, is my life a reflection of that now?

My Legacy

Should I leave this earth right now, could I honestly say that I lived so righteously that I influenced other people to come to Christ? Can I say that I followed Christ to the best of my ability in every instance? When I have children will they look at me like I look at my father– someone whose life has constantly displayed and proven the goodness of Yahweh?

In every trial, illness, and upset, I remember my father sitting us all down and speaking about the goodness of the Lord. I remember him leading us in prayer as a family. I remember him insisting I pay tithes and telling me the reasons why. This is how I want to be remembered. This is the legacy I want to leave—a testament to the goodness of our Father.

Discipline

So, as I look at my life right now I cannot honestly say that’s the total legacy I want to leave. Perhaps I have impacted some and given hope to others. But I now need discipline and intentionality to really live full out for God. Fortunately, God hasn’t called me home yet and there is still time to get it right. I can still leave the legacy I want to. I must remember that God has given me the self-discipline to do it. He has and will provide me with spiritual wisdom to achieve a life that proves His goodness. Through His Son, Yeshua, I know that nothing is impossible for me if I just believe and declare it. 

From this day forward, I declare by the power Yahweh gave me through Yeshua that these mountains must move. I have the power, love, and discipline to leave an inheritance, a legacy that will benefit this generation and those to come. I will live a life that influences people to seek Christ for themselves. All I have to do is pray, listen, and then obey. 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

He answered, “Because of your little faith (your lack of trust and confidence in the power of God); for I assure you and most solemnly say to you if you have (living) faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and (if it’s God’s will) it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

Matthew 17:20 AMP
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Accidental Date

I went on a date by accident. What I thought was an innocent lunch between long-time friends ended up being a date. Let’s start at the beginning.

The Beginning

I have always wholeheartedly believed men and women could be friends. So, when I met this gentleman in 2014, we became fast friends. We talked on the phone and texted regularly. There were no romantic sparks, just genuine interest in one another’s lives. We met at church and hung out from time to time. Every time we talked, I laughed because our conversations were hilarious. We talked about everything from God to careers to our love lives. I enjoyed our friendship.

The Accidental Date

Due to the pandemic and life, we hadn’t seen each other in a while. So one day, my friend suggested we meet up for lunch. I agreed to lunch because we always have fun together. So, the day of the lunch comes, and I’m 1.5 hours late. I was dogsitting and lost track of time. When I looked at my phone, I had many missed calls and texts from him. I called and apologized and told him I’d be there in 5 minutes. (Which is 15 minutes.)

I arrived and didn’t initially see him, so I walked to the restaurant’s entrance. I got distracted by a loudspeaker announcing the going-out-business sale of a nearby store. As I was listening and wondering if I should visit the store after lunch, I saw a man with flowers standing by the entrance. I absent-mindedly thought that was sweet. He is probably surprising his girlfriend. When I got closer, I realized that the guy was my friend.

Surprise! Date by Accident

Confusion covered my face. I wondered if someone else was joining us and why my friend had waited to give the flowers to her since I was so late. Then he handed the flowers to me. I was shocked. I had no idea what to do or say. I’m sure my face showed what I thought because he asked me if I was okay. I finally came to my senses and muttered, “Yes, thank you.” Then we walked into the restaurant. The hostess sat us, and I quickly put the flowers onto a chair and shoved the chair under the table. I didn’t want to look at or even acknowledge them.

I pretended that everything was normal. We laughed, and we had a good time. I thought I had been successful in my attempt to avoid the flowers. Then, the manager asked if it was my birthday, pointing at the flowers. I could no longer ignore the flowers or my beaming friend. He was smiling so wide; that I wanted to go home. I politely told the manager no and decided to talk with my friend.

The Talk

I asked about the flowers. I could have been tactful, but it annoyed me. My friend said, “This is what you do on a date.” I was in disbelief. I asked why did he think this was a date. Then he confessed his feelings for me. I was so disappointed, and he could tell. I told him I did not have a romantic interest in him. I looked at him like a little brother. I considered it for two seconds, but I could not imagine him kissing me. So, that was that. We left and said we would still be friends, but I haven’t heard from him.

Friends

I couldn’t figure out why I was disappointed that my friend wanted to date me. After a lot of thought and prayer, I figured it out. It hurt to know he was never my friend, laying in wait until he thought I was available. When he produced the flowers, I knew I would lose a friend. I still believe men and women can be friends. Maybe we will be friends again. In the meantime, I’ll value the friendships I have even more.

Thanks for joining me on this journey,

Kim

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Going Outside

I went from having two dates per week to having only three dates this year. Why the sudden change? Well, I had a “boo-thang” and wanted to be in a real relationship. He tried to keep it as is. So, I pursued what I wanted. Deciding to leave hurt me, but I didn’t realize how much. I tried to date, but I wasn’t up to it. So, I gave dating a little break. Now I feel fully ready to jump back into the dating pool but with some changes. I’m going outside!

Online Dating

Online dating was my jam! I was flirty and fun and had a wonderful experience or a great learning lesson with every man I met. I created a profile that I felt best showed who I was and why someone should swipe on me. This time around, however, I felt like I needed to do something different. I do not want to rely on online dating to meet men solely. So, I’m going outside!

Going Outside

The thing about meeting men outside is that I have to go out to do it. That’s probably why I excelled at online dating. I didn’t have to go outside. The most I had to do was swipe and respond to messages. That low effort allowed me to date. Do not get me wrong. I still had to be intentional and get in the mindset to attract and meet men, even online—intention matters. 

So, I asked myself, what would my ideal man be doing on a Saturday afternoon? What do I want to do on a Saturday afternoon? Do I like to volunteer? Do I want to lay back and chill while drinking a frappuccino? The answer is yes to both. The next step is to go out and do those things. Yet, why do I find myself at home night after night? Am I ready for what I say I want? Do I believe that this is indeed possible for me? Can I put in the effort needed to achieve the goal I want?

Becoming

Going outside is just the first step. Logically one would think that it would be easy. Go to events and talk to men. Be open, smile a lot, and make men believe that you are interested and interesting. My friends and I had this quote we chanted to ourselves before going out. We would look at each other and say, “ Stop, Stare, Speak,” about attracting men. Then we would go out and do it. It actually worked!

It took me so long to recognize when men were flirting with me, and sometimes, I still think I’m that same confused girl. Though I’m not where I want to be, I must give credit to the woman I am becoming. I am more supportive; am I genuinely happy with my life and where it’s going. I have people around me who love and encourage me. I am creating the life I’ve always dreamed of. 

Time to Go Outside

While I took this break, from dating, I made sure that my heart was in a good and healthy place to receive the love I deserve. This time around feels different. I’m sure of what I want and who I am. I know what I need to work on, and I’m putting in the work to improve. I’m looking for someone on the same journey. So, here’s to going out and meeting the man God has for me.

Be sure to check out https://kimmcauley.com/dusty-man-trap/.

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Broken Heart

Broken Hearted

I know the pain of a broken heart: the despair, the brokenness, and feelings of helplessness and loneliness. I’ve cried those same tears. I’ve felt there was no one to turn to, no one who could understand what I felt. Yet, there is hope! You will heal from a broken heart.

Broken Heart

Healing from a broken heart requires you first to process the pain. Processing the pain looks different for everyone. Some people cry others shout, and some go to therapy. In my case, it was all three combined. Whatever you do, please don’t hold it in. Someone or something broke your heart, and it hurts. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t allow your feelings to control you. Let the pain out. Psalm 34:17 says, “The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.” The Lord hears you when you cry out, so cry out. No one can listen to what you keep hidden inside. Once you cry out to Him, he will hear you and rescue you from your troubles.

Let It Go

Once you’ve processed the pain and cried out, stop replaying the hurt over and over in your mind. Stop thinking about all the ways you could have avoided it or things you should have done. It won’t ease the hurt. It only makes things worse because you keep reliving the pain. I know it’s going to be hard, but try not to think about it. You have to let it go. Let it go by keeping your mind fixed on God.

Isaiah 26:3 says, “God will keep you in perfect peace when you fix your thoughts on Him.” You can keep your thoughts fixed on Him by thinking about what is true, honorable, right, pure, excellent, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). If you find yourself thinking about the hurt, stop and redirect your thoughts to God and more pleasurable things. In time you will find that you are in His perfect peace and on your way to having a healed heart.

Forgive

In that peaceful place, you’ll find it easier to forgive. Why should you forgive someone who hurt you so deeply? Why should you forgive someone who knew you, loved you, and still hurt you? Should you forgive someone who doesn’t even deserve forgiveness? It doesn’t seem fair. I struggled with this the most. It feels like someone should pay for the pain they inflicted. Someone should hurt, just like you are hurting. The thing is, though, it’s never quite satisfying to hurt someone else just because you’re hurt. It doesn’t erase your pain. You may feel vindicated, but what does that feeling do? It just adds more hurt to the world.

Compassion

In order to forgive, you have to do so from a place of compassion and mercy. You cannot forgive in your own strength. You have to rely on God to give you the grace to forgive. Why does God continually forgive us when we constantly hurt Him? When we intentionally disobey Him? He forgives us because He is full of grace and mercy and expects us to extend that same grace and mercy to others. Colossians 3:13 says, “make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you.

Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” We are commanded to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. To forgive, I had to remember that God forgave me when I didn’t deserve it, and He did the same for me. Consider how God has forgiven you. Think about all that you have done and how much mercy God has shown you. Ask the Holy Spirit into your heart so that you can rely on Him for the understanding and compassion needed to forgive someone. Forgiveness will lead to healing. Healing and wholeness are God’s desires for you. Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”

Hope

Healing is a process, and there is no timeframe for it. It may take some people a week and take others years. Although dealing with and healing from pain isn’t easy, you will survive. I did, as have so many others. You are still living and breathing and making it through. You may have been knocked down, but it did not destroy you. There is a joy that is coming that you cannot believe. Not only will you survive, but you will also be happy, whole, and wholly healed. You will love again, and it will be all that God has promised. He hasn’t failed you yet, and He never will.