Category: Courage

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Discipline and Legacy

woman holding neck staring on wall
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As of late, I live at the intersection of legacy and discipline. The older I get, the more I think about getting my affairs in order and the legacy I want to leave behind. Of course, I want to leave money and houses, but I also want to leave something more precious. I want to leave a legacy that will impact this generation and those to come; one of righteous living. 

Those who came before me left indelible marks and undeniable impressions. For me, the natural question is what will my future grandkids say about me? Who will they say I am? Will they know me as kind and compassionate? Or will they only know me from the money and houses I left to them? While I plan to do both, I prefer more of the former. I want to be known for leaving people in a place better than I found them. This leaves me to wonder, is my life a reflection of that now?

My Legacy

Should I leave this earth right now, could I honestly say that I lived so righteously that I influenced other people to come to Christ? Can I say that I followed Christ to the best of my ability in every instance? When I have children will they look at me like I look at my father– someone whose life has constantly displayed and proven the goodness of Yahweh?

In every trial, illness, and upset, I remember my father sitting us all down and speaking about the goodness of the Lord. I remember him leading us in prayer as a family. I remember him insisting I pay tithes and telling me the reasons why. This is how I want to be remembered. This is the legacy I want to leave—a testament to the goodness of our Father.

Discipline

So, as I look at my life right now I cannot honestly say that’s the total legacy I want to leave. Perhaps I have impacted some and given hope to others. But I now need discipline and intentionality to really live full out for God. Fortunately, God hasn’t called me home yet and there is still time to get it right. I can still leave the legacy I want to. I must remember that God has given me the self-discipline to do it. He has and will provide me with spiritual wisdom to achieve a life that proves His goodness. Through His Son, Yeshua, I know that nothing is impossible for me if I just believe and declare it. 

From this day forward, I declare by the power Yahweh gave me through Yeshua that these mountains must move. I have the power, love, and discipline to leave an inheritance, a legacy that will benefit this generation and those to come. I will live a life that influences people to seek Christ for themselves. All I have to do is pray, listen, and then obey. 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

He answered, “Because of your little faith (your lack of trust and confidence in the power of God); for I assure you and most solemnly say to you if you have (living) faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and (if it’s God’s will) it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

Matthew 17:20 AMP
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Going Outside

I went from having two dates per week to having only three dates this year. Why the sudden change? Well, I had a “boo-thang” and wanted to be in a real relationship. He tried to keep it as is. So, I pursued what I wanted. Deciding to leave hurt me, but I didn’t realize how much. I tried to date, but I wasn’t up to it. So, I gave dating a little break. Now I feel fully ready to jump back into the dating pool but with some changes. I’m going outside!

Online Dating

Online dating was my jam! I was flirty and fun and had a wonderful experience or a great learning lesson with every man I met. I created a profile that I felt best showed who I was and why someone should swipe on me. This time around, however, I felt like I needed to do something different. I do not want to rely on online dating to meet men solely. So, I’m going outside!

Going Outside

The thing about meeting men outside is that I have to go out to do it. That’s probably why I excelled at online dating. I didn’t have to go outside. The most I had to do was swipe and respond to messages. That low effort allowed me to date. Do not get me wrong. I still had to be intentional and get in the mindset to attract and meet men, even online—intention matters. 

So, I asked myself, what would my ideal man be doing on a Saturday afternoon? What do I want to do on a Saturday afternoon? Do I like to volunteer? Do I want to lay back and chill while drinking a frappuccino? The answer is yes to both. The next step is to go out and do those things. Yet, why do I find myself at home night after night? Am I ready for what I say I want? Do I believe that this is indeed possible for me? Can I put in the effort needed to achieve the goal I want?

Becoming

Going outside is just the first step. Logically one would think that it would be easy. Go to events and talk to men. Be open, smile a lot, and make men believe that you are interested and interesting. My friends and I had this quote we chanted to ourselves before going out. We would look at each other and say, “ Stop, Stare, Speak,” about attracting men. Then we would go out and do it. It actually worked!

It took me so long to recognize when men were flirting with me, and sometimes, I still think I’m that same confused girl. Though I’m not where I want to be, I must give credit to the woman I am becoming. I am more supportive; am I genuinely happy with my life and where it’s going. I have people around me who love and encourage me. I am creating the life I’ve always dreamed of. 

Time to Go Outside

While I took this break, from dating, I made sure that my heart was in a good and healthy place to receive the love I deserve. This time around feels different. I’m sure of what I want and who I am. I know what I need to work on, and I’m putting in the work to improve. I’m looking for someone on the same journey. So, here’s to going out and meeting the man God has for me.

Be sure to check out https://kimmcauley.com/dusty-man-trap/.

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The Power Within

So we all know the story about the prodigal son. The scripture where the son demands his inheritance and goes off and squanders it then returns home. The moral of the story is that no matter how far you wander away from home, God will always be there to welcome you back with open arms. Usually, when you hear that parable, it focuses on the prodigal son. Other times the focus is the elder son who stayed. His reaction of anger and resentment is treated as a precautionary tale of what not to do. I don’t often hear the perspective that while the elder son was resentful and angry, the father still offered him grace and comfort. The father tells the elder child, “…Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.” That’s the power within.

Blessings

The loyal, faithful, and obedient son always had access to the inheritance. Even while rejoicing over the prodigal son’s return, the father ran out to comfort and advised the elder son. The elder son had proximity, access, and his father’s ear. How often do we focus on someone else’s blessing when we had access to our Father the entire time? The loyal and obedient children are always in the presence of the Father. Why should those so near to God take it for granted by looking at another’s blessing?

Full Access

God has placed within us a power that we have access to all of the time. While comforting the elder son, the father says, “all that is mine is yours.” How often do we take our unlimited access to God and His kingdom for granted? All that is His is Ours. Lately, I’ve been feeling like the eldest child. I’m watching everybody else get to celebrate and bask in their blessings. While I don’t begrudge anyone their just deserts, I feel a little left out. 

Which is what I imagine the elder son felt as well. Here I am in the field, working and being obedient. I watch from afar as others get celebrated and blessed, wondering when it will be my turn—forgetting that my Father is right there. I can go and talk to Him at any point in time. 

The Power Within

All I had to do was ask, and it would be given to me because He is close to me. As a matter of fact, even when I was disobedient and willfully rebellious, He still celebrated me and called me back to Him.  And I still had access to His entire kingdom to His full divinity when I returned. It seems a bit silly now. I have God, the Creator, near me, willing to comfort me, and I’m too concerned about when my blessing will come. He is always with me, including his peace, power, and might. 

Rejoice

God’s power resides within me through his Holy Spirit. What shall I fear? Of whom do I have to be afraid? He is near; He inclines His ear to me. He is concerned about me. And it is through that invested power within; He can do exceedingly abundantly above anything I can ask or think. It’s all because of the power within. So, we have God and His power near and in us with any obstacle, challenge, or situation we face. Remember, no matter where we are, we have full access once we come to Him. We are His, and He is ours. Let’s use that power within to edify, support, and love. Our time is coming, and it’ll be sooner than we think.

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness in Greek means sending away, letting go, giving up debt, not condemning, or keeping no longer. Forgiveness is the hard work of Christianity. As believers, we must forgive those who harmed us. It seems like a simple request. Your sins were wiped away when you were forgiven, so give others the same forgiveness. Yet, the actual act of forgiving someone is hard. This begs the question, why is it so hard?

Hurt


Forgiveness is challenging because of the hurt suffered. The pain and humiliation are scars that we have to deal with. The insults and negativity are not easily forgotten. While forgiveness does not require forgetting, it does require letting go of the hurt and offense. Letting go means realizing and admitting the depth of the wound. There is no use in forgiving someone of the pain they caused if it is still there. Holding on to the pain, anger, resentment, or whatever harmful offense will only hurt you in the long run. Hurt people respond from their place of hurt. There is not enough room for darkness and light to coexist in our hearts. We must choose light. We have to let go of the pain. So, how do we let go of the hurt?

Process


Pain is a real-time reminder of the offense endured. It’s okay to start small. Admit the pain is real and still hurts. Confess to yourself and God that you want it gone. Ask yourself why you held on to it. I held on to my pain because I didn’t want to be hurt again. That reminder was in my heart so that no one could get too close. I refused to live that hurt again. Now, I see that I did not allow myself to feel the love destined for me by harboring the offense.

The consequence of me holding on to the pain was not experiencing the close relationships with others and God I desired. Your why and results may be different. It’s still important to get to the root of the issue. Getting to the source can take time. Letting go demands reflection and growth. We have to dig deep and give it away completely. The good news is that we don’t have to do this independently. We can rely on God and the people He’s surrounded us with to help us navigate this. Still, there seems to be more than just the pain that’s not allowing us to forgive fully.

Justice


After all of the hurt and suffering we endured, it seems like the other person does not deserve forgiveness. It does not seem fair. What justice is served by forgiving the person that caused so much offense and pain? It looks like they should suffer some too. With this mindset, everyone in the world would be in a constant state of suffering. There would be no relief. Thank God justice is left up to Him. Forgiveness requires faith because we have to trust that Yahweh will handle it. We are called to forgive. When has God ever led us astray? He would not ask us to do something that harms us. Therefore, forgiveness must benefit us. Although we may not see the justice, we feel we deserve, that doesn’t mean the offender won’t pay. After all, we reap what we sow. Looking to repay evil for evil isn’t justice.

Forgiveness


At this point, we have let go of the hurt and stopped seeking revenge. Now is the time to invite mercy and kindness into our hearts and forgive. Compassion allows us to understand that the offender was a hurt person operating out of that hurt. What kind of insecurities and pain were they covering to harm another person that badly? Only love can cover a multitude of sins. Only love can drive out fear, hate, and pain. In this world, we rarely see love in action. Let’s be the change we want to see. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Forgiveness may take time, but it’s possible. What is keeping you in the bondage of pain? Why not start the healing process and forgive today? Your reward will be great.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Luke 6:35-36

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Grateful

As Thanksgiving rolls around again, we often think about what we are grateful for. The answers are varied, but usually, we hear things like family, friends, and life. While I am definitely thankful for family and friends, I decided to be grateful for what I didn’t get this year.

Grateful for No Romantic Relationship

No, I’m not in a relationship. I still desire to be in one. I’m grateful for the almost-relationships. It feels like I’ve been dating people non-stop for three years now. Currently, I’m on a break. This break allowed me to realize I’m willing to fall in love. I was not willing to risk heartbreak before. I actually took a chance on love and failed. I failed beautifully, though. So, I’m grateful that I got to chance to learn, love, and laugh. I’m also grateful that I get the chance to do it again; with the right person this time.

Grateful for Unanswered Prayers

Unanswered prayers seem like a strange thing to be grateful for. Lessons in the art of patience were plentiful this year. Learning to praise Him in the silence is hard. The silence of unanswered prayers is deafening. It makes me focus on the lack instead of the plenty Yahweh has already blessed me with. The unanswered prayers made me look at all that I have. It made me look at the works that Yahweh did through my hands. I realized through the silence that I am a vessel, and there is more work to do. So, I’m grateful for the unanswered prayers because they allowed me to see how much I already have and who I am. Yes, I still want my prayers answered, even if the answer is no. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy and be thankful for everything around me.

Grateful for Feeling Stagnant

This year, I felt stagnant. I felt like I wasn’t moving or going anywhere. It seemed as if I had reached all my potential. I’m thankful that is not the truth. I still have the power, strength, and potential to do great things. Greater is coming for me. It took that feeling of stagnancy to make me realize how much control I have over my life. If I want more and better, then I can work to get it. Nothing is stopping me from achieving my goals and Yahweh’s will for my life other than me. So, I’m grateful that I found the will to keep going and push myself. I’m grateful that I can see the future laid out for me, and I’m going to get it. Just watch and see.

Gratefulness

Being thankful is about showing appreciation for a thing or to someone. The truth is, I have a lot to be grateful for. So many positive lessons have come from what can be perceived as losses. Now, I would prefer to learn those lessons without pain, but it was necessary for me. From now on, I plan to focus on the beautiful life I have right now. Goodness surrounds me, and more is coming. What more could I be grateful for?

Thanks for joining me on the journey! Happy Thanksgiving!

Love, Kim.

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Unexpected Reality

Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the Lord and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah, his wife, and the Lord remembered her. 1 Samuel 1:19

So, here I am—a 35-year-old single, childless woman. I am not working the job I want and just kind of generally feeling like I’m living below the promises of God.

I’m trying to be grateful and see all the beautiful things that I have in my life. I have wonderfully supportive friends and family who genuinely love me. I have a job that provides more than I need, a lovely home, and hobbies that I genuinely enjoy. I’m even dating, which has proved to be an enjoyable and educational experience.

Yet, I feel a void when I think about this unexpected reality. I desire marriage, kids, and a family of my own. I’m approaching the get-up and go in peace place like Hannah. I’m no longer in the weeping year after year phase. THat weeping and anguish got old quickly.

I also feel like going in peace is a little like letting go. It feels like I’m giving up on a dream. If I surrender and say, God, if you do, I’m good, but God, even if you don’t, I’m still good. Sometimes this feels like I’m burying my desires and dreams to accept life as is.

The thing is, I know in my mind this isn’t true. In my mind, the path forward is God’s will, and I’m possibly even delaying His will for me by not fully surrendering. However, it’s proven challenging to let go and let God. How do I submit and be OK with whatever the outcome is and still pray for my desires simultaneously?

All I know to do is go to God and be honest. I have to tell Him how I feel and then not worry. Remember to look at how much He has already blessed me. Then pray some more until I hear from Him. I genuinely do want to lay this burden down. I do want to get up from prayer and walk in peace. I want to praise God whatever the outcome genuinely. I declare that joy will be my portion, and I’ll be thankful in all things.

So, it’s kind of two-fold; my unexpected reality is that I’m single with no kids, and I’m trying to put that at God’s feet. But, it’s not as consuming as it used to be. Now, I focus more on what’s accurate, sound, trustworthy, and virtuous so that God can keep His promise and guard my heart and mind with peace that surpasses understanding. God is faithful and just to perform His word.

Therefore, I’m going to live, rejoice, and be free while having fun in the meantime.

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Living Free Joyfully

living free joyfully
Living

Living noun /ˈliviNG/: the pursuit of a lifestyle of the specified type.

dictionary.com

This is my year of intention. I plan to get every promise God has for me. I’m tired of just existing or surviving. It’s time to live! No longer will I live below the promises of God. Everything that He promised me would be mine. My life will be a reflection of Him. It’s time to come alive and do what God placed in me.

Free

Free adjective /frē/: not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes.

dictionary.com

As defined by the dictionary, freedom leads one to believe that she can do whatever she wants. The freedom I crave is to be unbound, unrestrained, and no longer obligated under the yoke of the law. My freedom is found in Christ alone. He set me free to live an abundant life. I am free indeed and will obtain this freedom in every area of my life.

Joyfully

Joyfully adverb /ˈjoifəlē/: with great pleasure and happiness.

dictionary.com

His joy is in me, and it is full. I ask this question to myself every day, “What have I done to spark joy today?” Joy is imperative. It’s a reminder that Christ is with me. It helps ease the troubles and woes that being in this world brings. Joy breeds gratitude. I choose joy and to be glad.

Living Free Joyfully

This is a departure from Single In Christ. While that spirit remains, this blog will now focus on the whole single person and not just how to cope with being single. God has so much more in store. I will be married one day. But in the meantime, I’m still a complete person, and I choose to focus on my entire being and not one aspect of it. So, yes, I will still discuss love and dating. However, I will also discuss faith, finances, fitness (mental and physical), and plain old fun. Let’s discover how to obtain freedom and joy in every area!

Continue living free joyfully!

-Kim

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