Overall, dating has been fun and exciting. I have met some great guys and some dusty crusties. But recently, I fell into a dusty man trap. I usually don’t dwell too much on unpleasant experiences, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s how I fell into a dusty-man trap.
I always protect the innocent, so I’ll call this guy Gary. Sorry to anyone named Gary. It’s not personal. I have five things a guy must meet before I decide to go on a date with him.
- Christian
- Have a job
- Have a car
- Have his own place to stay
- No more than 1 child, but preferably none
How it Started
I mentioned those criteria because I went out on two dates with a guy who didn’t meet any of them unbeknownst to me. He was a dusty man. Let’s start at the beginning. I met Gary back in the early part of the year. We messaged and talked for a few weeks, but for whatever reason, we stopped talking. I don’t remember why we stopped; I remember that we did.
Then summer hits, and I get a text from an unknown number. I respond out of curiosity. It’s Gary! We chat for a while and decide to go out. I asked why we initially stopped talking during this chatting, and he changed the subject. Looking back, that should have been my first red flag.
We had trouble finding the time to go out because I’m a busy woman. I don’t cancel the plans I already made for a date. So we talked for about two weeks before we met up. During this time, I asked all the questions to make sure he met my first date criteria. He lied, but I had no way of knowing at the time.
The Meetup
A couple of days before we are supposed to go out, he calls and says he has to see me. I said we’re supposed to go out soon, can’t you wait? He said no, he had to see me right away. This is Sunday morning, and I’m getting ready for church. I didn’t have time for a meet and greet. He kept calling and texting until I finally agreed to meet him. This should have been my second red flag.
I get ready fast and meet him at an agreed-upon location near my church. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to invite him to the church I’m always talking about. It’s late June or early July, but it’s super hot either way. The air in my car isn’t working that well, so I’m sitting there sweating. Here comes Gary rolling up. He hops out of the vehicle in the most unflattering outfit I’ve ever seen. He had on a shirt with holes, basketball shorts, socks that didn’t entirely cover his ashy feet, and slides.
Disappointment
At this point, I’m thinking to myself, you just had to see me, and this is how you look? I’m super annoyed. He gets out of the car and saunters over like he is God’s gift to women. I purse my lips in preparation for nonsense to come out of his mouth. And it did. He starts talking about how he couldn’t wait until our date to see me.
He’s licking his crusty lips every five seconds. I was so distracted by his appearance I don’t remember what he said except that it could have waited until our date. I don’t say anything because I’m hot and annoyed. Plus, he looked dusty. I let him talk for about 5 minutes, then said I needed to leave. At this point, I’m devising a plan in my head on how to let him down quickly. But it didn’t go exactly as planned.
Falling Into the Trap
The next day I called him. We’re keeping it light at first, talking about everything and nothing. Then I hit him with I the I’m not romantically interested, and I think we should be friends. He says cool, but he would still like to hang out. I have no idea why, but I agree. This is how I fell into the dusty-man trap. As the week progresses, he calls me and says his car is in the shop and he lost his debit card. It sounds suspicious, but I say okay, do you want to hang out another time? He says no, he wants to see me again.
We go out, and he meets me at the location. I have no idea how he got there. We have an okay time. He pays for the date with a wad of cash. At this point, I’m determined to break things off. Then he asks me for a ride home. I give him one, and I am fussing at myself for going out with this dusty, crusty man on my way back to my house. Mind you; he didn’t dress any better for our date.
The more we talk, the more I find out about him. He doesn’t have a job. He also doesn’t have a stable place to live. He goes in-between family members’ houses. There’s nothing wrong with this. I get that people go through hard times, but why lie about it and try to date on top of that?
Lessons Learned
But I ended up going out with him again. Please don’t ask me why. Perhaps I needed to learn a lesson about smooth-talking dusty men. Maybe I thought I could help. In the end, I realized that I’m not the type of woman that can date potential. I need to see some actual results. I need to see your plan taking shape. I’m not asking any man to be at the final place, but I need to see steps taken in that direction.
I also learned not to be so hard on myself. I should not have gone out with Gary. There were a lot of red flags that I ignored because he had nice pictures online. Those pictures didn’t match reality, by the way. I serve a forgiving God who said there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. If I’m in Christ, which I am, why should I condemn and be so hard on myself? I had to forgive myself for being foolish, believing lies, and falling into a dusty-man trap. I survived, though. Now, I will pay attention to red flags.
I had to go back to God and find out what I want. I won’t be making a dusty man mistake again. I can move forward with the knowledge that God wants me to be happy and that I will be. Still out here dating, but I’m taking my time. Vetting men a little more than I used to. I’m grateful for the experience. Glad to know that God’s got me even when I mess up.
Thanks for joining me on my journey!
Kim
Recommended Reading:
http://www.singleinchrist.org/a-prayer-for-you/
www.singleinchrist.org/dating-lessons-learned/
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